is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize