There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
