This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
