I am full of burrito and curiosity
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may now shotgun with the bride
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize