saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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