I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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