My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
