I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
