my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
