I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
