no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
