drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dick very happy bro
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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