someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
