i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
