I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
