It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
