i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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