I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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