I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
