I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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