I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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