yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
