I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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