is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
