I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
