And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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