i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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