There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
