Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
