why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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