You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Houston, we have a squirter
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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