i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
