discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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