I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
