he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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