Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
