Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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