She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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