i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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