when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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