So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
