He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
