I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
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I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
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That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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