Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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