Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
