You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
