When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
