You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
