just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
