I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
