we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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