And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
