I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
