If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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