my mouth tastes like poor choices
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
