so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
