It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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