i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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