I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
