yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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