that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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