i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
